Victorinox Swiss Army Champion Plus Pocket Knife
Victorinox Swiss Army Champion Plus Pocket Knife
Victorinox Swiss Army Champion Plus Pocket Knife Reviews
It was the summer of 1944 and I had just been expelled (in disgrace) from the Swiss Army. As for possessions, I had little more than the clothes on my back, my Grover-Trophy Metal Kazoo (Standard) and of course my trusty, military issued Victorinox Swiss Army Champion Plus Pocket Knife.
Just days earlier, I had been certain that I was destined for military greatness. You see, I had acquired a rifle and several thousand rounds of ammunition, while on leave in Italy some six months prior. It occurred to me that if I could demonstrate to the military high command how potentially useful a rifle could be for military stuff… perhaps they would consider investing in some and possibly even issue them to our troops. Don’t get me wrong… each of us dogfaces valued our Victorinox Swiss Army Champion Plus Pocket Knife… the primary weapon issued to all of us Swiss fighting men at that time. As terrific as these little knives were, we felt insufficiently armed when we hunkered down in our battle trenches, waiting for enemy sharpshooters to run out of ammo before we dared to charge them… knives drawn… teeth bared.
When not afield facing down the invading Nazi hordes, my assigned duty post was that of the solitary guard of a large warehouse which was situated in a remote corner of our military base. Each day, I walked the perimeter of that big old warehouse, my Victorinox Swiss Army Champion Plus Pocket Knife drawn and at the ready. Since acquiring the rifle, my evenings and weekends had been spent diligently practicing my marksmanship inside that very warehouse. By then, I had fashioned it into my own private, makeshift firing range. I fired round after round into the wooden crates that filled that warehouse from floor to ceiling… determined to hone my skills.
A day came when I was at my post and saw an approaching motorcade. It was none other than King Victorino X, King of Switzerland accompanied by an entourage of our small but proud nations’ highest military officials. I closed the blade of my trusty Victorinox Swiss Army Champion Plus Pocket Knife, quickly stashed it in my pocket, made a snappy salute and stood at full attention in the presence of His Majesty and my superior officers.
I was ordered to open the doors of the warehouse so the King could inspect the contents of the warehouse. Which as my bad luck would have it turned out to be the entire supply of the King’s royal cheese! As I learned later, each of these prize cheeses had been made with several gallons of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (available here on Amazon for $77.76 per gallon). The cheeses had been crated in wooden boxes and stored in this warehouse so that they could age to perfection. The King was… shall we say… somewhat angry to discover every box shot full of holes from my months of secret target practice.
I was immediately dismissed from the Army (and the country). The cheese was all but ruined. No longer fit for the king, and shot full of holes, it was sold to delicatessens around the world to be used on sandwiches by commoners. It still tastes pretty good with ham on rye if you ask me.
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